Into My Mind

Thu, 18 May 2006 08:35:32 GMT

Stuff Coming Up..

May 18th- Liz and Brian's wedding. I'm so happy for them, and scared for them at the same time. But I know they'll make it. They're in love, and they're smart people. They'll survive. lol I'm happy I get to attend. And I can't wait for my own wedding, so they can give me payback. lol Still gotta get them a gift..whenever I can save up enough MONEY. Which will probably be after they get back from their Honeymoon.
My mom and I had fun tonight shopping for the outfit and shoes I'm gonna wear. Might wear it to church this coming Sunday too. hehe. It look goood.

May 21st- Seniors of '06 recognition at Church. This includes me because I got my GED this year. There's supposed to be a big ceremony thing, and then a lunchen thing that my mom and grandmother are going to try to attend. Then that night is band rehursal. So I'll have to change clothes. crap. heh. That day is also Scott's would-be 27th birthday.

May 23rd- Youth Band Talent Show. To welcome the new youth pastor and his wife. All the band members have signed up to show their musical Ability. Singers will sing solo's or duets. and, the intrumental people will have solos. Yes, this includes me. I've never performed a possibly 3 minute drum solo on purpose infrount of a croud of people. I. Is. Scurred.

May 26th- MOVIE NIGHT! Dustin and I get to go on a double date with David and Carol(another couple, new to our church) to see Xmen 3! WOO. its gonna rock. I just recently saw the first 2 Xmen movies, and they were so awesome. I bet this one tops them all..cause, duh. its the last one. It BETTER be good.. Shall post a reveiw after I see it.

June 1st- GED Graduation at Gardendale 1st Baptist. I get to wear a cap and gawn and everything..something I never thought I'd be able to do. Its cool..but I'm still nervous about it. Specially with alot of mine and, possibly some of Dustin's family there to witness it.

June 5th- MY 21ST BIRTHDAAAY....No, I'm NOT getting hammered/drunk/sh*tfaced/or any other classification of over-indulging alcohol. I do not plan on consuming ANY alcohol. Ever. Any drink I buy and consume that night will be virgin. If anyone buys me an alcoholic drink, it will just sit there. Proof that I can order those drinks, and even drink them..but I choose not to.

So, those are my plans for the next couple weeks. Cool huh?

Tue, 14 Dec 2004 06:11:19 GMT

Christmas shoppin tomorrow. Gonna get stuff for friends and loved ones..and maybe some stuff that I want and/or really NEED. Jessie's gonna go with me, should be alot of fun.

Today was uneventful, as usual. But I got some rest from yesterday's activities. So I'm ok with everything at the moment.

Normally I would have something funny or 'witty' to talk about, or rant/discuss things going on in my family life..post an interesting survey or quiz thing. But no luck tonight. Can't think of or find anything. sorry, maybe next time.

God bless everyone. No matter what darkness may cloud your way..He's always there..even if sometimes we don't want to admit it.

I love you Dustin.

~Later

Tue, 07 Dec 2004 05:08:17 GMT

Wow..I found my first ever livejournal tonight..

I'd ran across it before but I never went back and read all that I put in it. There were only 9 entries..heh. My last entry in it was talking about how I'd just gotten my drumset. hmm..that was a long time ago..didn't realize how long. I was 17. Which, in reality doesn't seem like a long time..but so much has happened.
Things have changed in my life,and I've changed as an individual. I guess I've kinda matured in a way. Its just interesting to go back into those memories. I'm suprized I never deleted it. Part of me wishes I'd never deleted my other one...but we won't go back to that issue.

::sigh::..My parents are at eachother's throat..which is nothing uncommon. But now its because of other family members supposedly saying stuff about my dad, and possibly other people. Now there's probably gonna be another family feud. All because of gossip. Eh..its ok cause I got to watch Home Alone 2 to temperarily get my mind off of it.

Meh..not much else to say. Sorry, just wanted to share my 'discovery'.

Oh, and I was talking about putting up our Christmas tree..I told my mom we needed to keep Iggy away from it. She was freaking out all worried what would happen if he got stuck in the tree. That would be sad..but hilarious. Imagine my mom trying to beg a LIZARD out of the Christmas tree. Yes people, lizards are more prone to climb trees, than cats..and they're alot harder to get out of the 'pardicament.' I have DISPROVED the theory. HA-HAA..uh, yeah that was random..but it was one of the funny moments of the day. Not much else to say..I'll update soon.

I love you Dustin, always..

~Later

Mon, 29 Nov 2004 07:30:50 GMT

Hey everybody.

I feel better than I have for the past couple days. Between Friday and Saturday I was about to have a nervious breakdown. Depressed, angry, and fearful of everything, and everyone for a while..about everything getting me down. ..I was in a bad place in my mind for a while.

Then this morning Dustin called me and begged me to come to church. I didn't really want to go because the night before I'd barely gotten any sleep because I'd been up all night caughing and such..But after a few minutes of thinking, and Dustin's pleading..I decided to go.

We had a good time. Good lesson in Sunday school, fun chit-chatting with everyone who was there. Dustin gave me the suprize he baught me last night..ROMEO AND JULIET DVD(the ULTIMATE, and only chick-flick that I LOVE)! ::sqwee!::

Then, after Sunday-school let out, we went across the street to wal-mart grocery store and baught me a new pack of caugh drops..then we saw they had Elf. Instantly we decided to split the pay on that, so..two dvd's that I wanted REALLY badly in one day..SCORE! Ooh and then there was a bugs bunny cartoon dvd with 8 cartoons on it..for a DOLLAR. BONUS!

Yeah, then we both made it to his house, watched Elf, and cuddled. I love that movie, its so cute, warm and fuzzy and christmasy..I don't care if it made anyone else puke, its a good movie!

Well, the only downfall of the whole day was me still being sick. The only thing I have left of this freakin cold is a non-stop cough where I wheeze, hack and nearly hurl my lungs out while my chest feels like its going to explode. -lovely image,yes?-

Dustin tried to MAKE me take cough syrup. If you know me, you know you do NOT do that to me. I will revert back to childhood form, sqwirm, fight, beg and cry untill you get it away from me. I cannot stand ANY form of liquid medicine. it makes me barf. I was not about to try and choke down that nasty tasting crap, just to have it come back up again. I'll deal with the cough a few more days. thankyouverymuch.

Sorry babe, I know you were trying to make me better but..uh..wrong way to go. Its ok though, I still love you.

But yeah, despite that..everything was fine. Yeah..my man was good to me today. I'm glad I got to spend time with him and his family. I got to see his pretty new truck too. I like it, even if it is a FORD. And its all worth it to see that happy smile on his face that makes me melt. ::sigh::..sorry for all the mushyness..but I haven't gotten to experience in a while..so if you don't like it..BITE ME. haha.

He's supposed to be taking his liscense test tuesday..I really hope that goes well. if not, try try again.

Another bad part of the day was when both his and my parents got their panties in a twist about us spending the whole day together..blah blah.

What suprized me when I got home? My mom was in a pissy mood about me not being home all day, she was the main one mad/gripey about it. My dad on the other hand..stood up for me, and understood my case. And was proud of me for making my own decision about what I wanted to do, that I had the freedom to go where I wanted to go. And just basically told my mom to finally let me grow up.

I find it very weird that my parents have gone through a complete..personality switch lately. My dad's trying to be the 'cool agreeable parent'..while my mom's the controling one acting like a she hates the world and everyone in it.

What I'd like to know is..when did this role switch take place? and....Why? In a way..I like it,but in another way..it scares me.

Well, I beleive thats about it..you're caught up for now.

I love you Dustin..You're my Romeo. ;)

~Later

Fri, 26 Nov 2004 10:12:48 GMT

Hey everybody.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. I did. I would go into more detail but I'm getting ready to go into my first day at Freds. 5-11AM. Wish me luck and I hope I survive this day, without passing out. I've barely slept, I've been caughing and sneezing all night..but, I don't care. I still have to work.

All my other 'fellow workers' that have to bare through the crowds today, I solute you.

Edit later, hopefully..

EDIT: 9:00PM

Today sucked. I got to Freds around 4:30, got let in, and everybody started pouring in around 5. I was made do all kindsa crap work, like, watch and make sure people didn't steal stuff..straiten up little shelves, and mostly, be cart wrangler. Thats right, I had to go out in 30-something degree weather, WHILE I'm still sick, caughing my head off and all that. I only ended up working MAYBE 3 hours, seemed like alot longer..but around 7:00, they said they didn't need anymore people, so me, Jessie and Jessica got sent home. Yeah, needless to say, we were all pissed. Get up at the crack of dawn, freeze my butt off all morning, for maybe a small 'check' of five dollars. If that much.

Oh, and even BETTER news? I might not have a steady job at this place, I talked to the manager after handing in my application, and 'proving that I could do the work'..she says; Well, we have your application and we appriciate your help, but right now I'm just looking for tempterary help..so if we need you, we'll call you.

::SCREAMS!!!!!::

::sigh::..so, I went to brunos after Jessie and Jessica left to meet Josh in trusville, to try and go to Kelly's dad's funeral. Got to talk to Dustin for a while, since the store was basically dead and there wasn't many customers. I explained everything that happened..after walking around the store and basically killing time for about an hour..my dad comes and picks me up. I made it home around 10.

I take a dose of nyquil, fight nausia..and pass out on my bed for about 8 hours. woke up around 5, when Dustin called me and told me news about his new truck. So that was the ONE bright point of the day..he said we might try to do something tonight, but I haven't heard from him yet so those plans look doubtful. But, he finally got his own car. Now he can get his liscense and we can GO PLACES. YAY.

I love you Dustin, and I'm so proud of you for everything you've accomplished. We're gonna make it through all of this. We have eachother, and that counts for a whole lot..

I figured out the main demise of alot of relationships. People in love, they don't fight..they just try to UNDERSTAND eachother, and usually don't have the patience to figure out the problem.

That is all for now..

~Later

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 05:17:16 GMT

Hey everybody.

I'm back from my trip..wow..it was amazing. The greatest 72 hours I've ever had in my life. My whole veiw on life has changed. The people I got to know, the feelings I experienced..just every moment that I spent on Chrysalis(sp), will never be forgotten. It was all I expected/hoped it would be, and so much more. Of coarse I missed everyone.

There's certain people I would like to thank for your special support..you know who you are, and I love you all. I can't say much about the trip because I have to keep it secret in case any of you might want to go on it, so you can experience the greatness of it yourself..please consider it..it'll be the greatest experience of your life.

Beleive me, I wasn't planning on going..I was afraid to go, because I just though it wasn't for me..that I didn't deserve to be with those kind of people..full-on Christians..as you seen in my last post. But, I'm glad I swollowed my pride and went..I would have missed out on meeting all these wonderful new people. And getting a chance to finally let go of all my burdens..the right way. There was food..LOTS of it, music, alot of singing, and great discussion of the bible..just all out fun.
Everyone accepted me and embraced me as a freind. There was no judgment, or argument of any sort. Of coars there were tears of sorrow, because of bringing up pain from the past..but there was also tears of happines..because of acceptance, and moving on, realizing who, and where I wanted to be in my life. I actually got to be myself..see a new part of myself that I was happy with. Thats right..I got my wish. I experienced a time where there was barely a moment that I didn't have a smile on my face.

The people with me on the trip..we were more than just random people searching for a new way to accept Christ..in those three days we bonded, we laughed, we cried..we sang. we became a unit. a family. I will never forget them, or what I experienced

If anyone's interested in going on any future Chrysalis events, please let me know in any way you can..and I'll be glad to tell you a little more about it..I'm looking for someone to sponser. :)

I love you Dustin..so much. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't even know about this whole event, I wouldn't have got to go, if you weren't so persistant about it. I thank you for letting me in on the wonderful journey..now you and I both know how strong we can be in faith.

Love to all..but remember, God loves us the most.

~Later

Thu, 14 Oct 2004 04:00:06 GMT

OK, I think I've done this before..but I didn't get much of a response. So I'll try again But if I haven't done it..now's the chance to see what my freinds think of me. should be interesting. hehe.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it:
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word:
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

I'll be waiting for comments! mwahaa.

God Bless and love to all.

~Later

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 19:11:41 GMT

Hello everyone.

I'm sittin here at Dustin's house, on his computer after getting home from church. Church was fun, as always. I got to play up on stage with my percussion stuff, and then we had Sunday school service with the kids. It went better than Wednesday night's service, because I couldn't bring my djembe..I was reduced to playing a bucket..thats right, a bucket::eyes Liz::. I rigged up a mic-stand to hold up my tamborine as a 'cymbol' I got a couple of drumsticks and there we had, the most ghetto-fied two-peice drumset ever constructed. It was awkward but we played, and did pretty dern good..I think..

Yeah..after the santurary service there was a blood drive thing going on..but, I didn't really want to be apart of it. Because I hate needles, and I had a tramatic experience the last time I was forced, yes, forced to give blood(I have a rare blood type so the doctors made me do it) ::shudders:: bad memories.

Anyway, todays services were all about making the right choices in life. And, being able to walk down the right path. Also about bringing your freinds or loved ones to church more..seeing if the people you care about, really are Christian..and if not..to not be afraid to discuss their beleifs, or to tell them about yours.
I've always wanted to be more open with people about beleifs, but I've never found the courage to just open up and start talking to a freind..or even a stranger about it. I've always admired the people that go out and start witnessing to people. That's basically the best way to get the knowledge we know of the world, and the Word out to the people. I just wish there wasn't so much pressure involved.

Well..not much else to say at the moment. I'm gonna go spent some time with my man now. Since I love him so much. He's gonna go teach me how to play ping-pong supposedly..should be interesting. Love to all! ! ! LATER! ! ! ! ! =D

-danie

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 19:07:31 GMT

::snicker..snicker::..pftahaha...HAHAHAHAAAA!

o.o;;....uhh...I'm scared now.

Haha

~Later

o.o;;....

Fri, 20 Aug 2004 06:40:04 GMT

God...I need your help here. Give me strenght..

Had a good day today. Only to have it ruined by the end of the night by the same old drama crap.

It has brought me to the decision, that this is my last entry. I'm deleting my journal. This will go into affect in the next 24 hours. This time, no matter how tempting it gets, I will not be bringing it back.
Because all Livejournal does, for me anyway, is cause nothing but hell. I can't post the events, or personal thoughts in my life without something blowing up in my face. I'm tired of it.

So, those of you, who are my 'real' friends, you cannot learn about me by reading a journal page anymore. There are more ways to know whats going on in my life. That is, if you really care. There's always the phone, or e-mail(IF I don't decide to delete the internet all together), or even taking the time to come and see me. You have my number, you know where I am. But, whatever you wish.
I know there are some of you out there who actually do care, as few as you are. So, I thank you. and you know that I love you.

~Goodbye

Thu, 19 Aug 2004 04:00:22 GMT

Today got a slow start.
I didn't get out of bed till..like nearly, 2 something. Yeah I know, its bad..I need to start going to bed earlier so I can get more sleep and stop staying in bed so much. I'm an insomniac, its a hard habit to break. But as soon as things get straitened out with a job and such..my reutine has to be fixed.

Anyway, when things got up and going I talked to Dustin throughout the day, we'd HAD plans to go out to dinner with Pastor Jason but something unfortunately came up and those plans got reschedualed to hopefully next week. so its all good.

This evening I went to my very first youth group service at First Baptist Church of Center Point. It was GREAT. I had alot of fun. Even though there was a small amount of people because the youth group just started back(they took a break from it for the summer vacation). There was games, and a whole lot of friendly, cool people.

There was this guy that Dustin and I started talking to because we noticed he had a guitar. Turns out he was the new worship leader. Dustin mentioned to him that I was a drummer and he started asking me questions about what I liked to play and stuff..then he said 'You wanna play bongos or something next week? Be here by 5:30 so we can practice.' I was shocked..but HAPPY! I got an opportunity to play in a new band on my first visit to the place. YAY!

The service was short, and sweet..but really to the point. Talking about how God lets the 'strange' things in your life always lead to an important lesson.

It was the first time I'd ever gone to church, hang out there, have the service..and be out of there before DARK. Amazing aint it? haha.

Anyway, tomorrow, Dustin, Steven and I (and maybe a couple other people, not sure) are planning on going to Centry Plaza most of the afternoon. From what I hear, any time when Dustin and Steven get together, its total fun and caos..should be interesting. hehe.

Hopefully the review of the evening will be posted tomorrow. Not much else to say right now.

untill then..

~Later

Tue, 17 Aug 2004 06:04:29 GMT

Another good day.

Dustin suprized me by coming over this afternoon and bringing over his copy of the POWER RANGERS MOVIE! OH YEAH! Man..its been almost 10 years since that movie was made, and its been about that much time since I seen it. I LOVED the Power Rangers when I was a kid. Me, Josh, and Drew used to watch, and play PR all the time when we were growing up. We had the action figures and everything. Years later I find a boyfreind that had the same love for the show that we did. YAY. Then we got to cook dinner together. that was fun. Yeah, good day.

Know what else is cool? This band project that I've been working on with Liz, Courtney, Chase and Becca..we have a GIG! October 30th, at the Clay Chalkville Community Center.

I hope everything goes well, and we actually get a few practices in, enough to get a half hour set list together.
Wow..its gonna be my first time performing onstage in almost 4 years..scary.

Anyway, you'll hear more info about the event as time goes on. You're more than welcome to come check us out.

uh..not much of an entry because I don't have much to say right now. Update soon.

~Later

Sun, 15 Aug 2004 06:22:52 GMT

Hmm..Good day today. a WHOLE lot better than yesterday.

Spent the day with the most wonderful guy, that I'm so lucky and thankful to have in my life.
We watched 13 Going on 30, and cuddled. Yep, the critics were right, its a great date movie. hee.

Just spent most of the day just talking, laughing about stupid stuff..and just enjoying eachother's company.
::blissful sigh::
I'm not gonna get to see him as much as I have been recently though. Our reutine is about to change..and things may be strained but, we're gonna make it through. We're working on both getting jobs. I'm studying for my G.E.D and he's getting ready to start collage next year.
Yeah, its time to grow up..and eventually start our lives, together. It'll all take time..but it'll be worth it as long as we have eachother. and God's on our side.

We're also working on getting back on track with our relationships with God. Since our last church has unfortunately been shut-down..we're having to look for a new path.

Since all these happenings,I've been reading this little booklet thingy called 'Now What?: Guide for the New Christian'
It takes you through the entire book of John, in 7 days. One chapter in the booklet a day, and each chapter in the booklet takes you through 3 chapters of John(hope that makes sense).

in the booklet chapters, it teaches and reccomends ways for you to become a better Christian, or keep your faith strong.

After you read your 3 daily chapters, you read through the booklet and answer kinda basic comprehinsion questions on what you read. Its cool, and an easier, more fun way of understanding the Bible.
I'm learning alot, and I recommend it to all who are wanting to do the same, with the Good Book.

Now that hopefully all these senseless arguments/battles are done..I can get more of my priorities strait. Move on with my life, and for once..be content with everything.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 21:34:41 GMT

What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
Name
Birthdate
You killed
With a
On	March 18, 2012

Quiz created with MemeGen!

NOOO! I can't kill Macauley! Home Alone's my favorite movie! ::winks at Dustin:: Plus I liked him when he was a cute little kid. I don't know WHAT happened when he hit puberty. But I still can't bring myself to hill him.

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 21:23:06 GMT

Alright, most all of you can ignore this. The ones not involved in any way shape or form can just ignore this entry.
It goes out to a certain 'little girl' who's been nothing but a thorn in my side for months. She made a entry about me in her journal. Those who know who I'm talking about, I don't need to explain. I made this comment in her journal, but I figure she'll delete it..so I'll make it where EVERYONE can see how far this stupidity has gotten out of control. This is my final retalliation to this battle. I tried to ignore her threats and such for a while..till my parents got involved, wanting to stop her harassment..but only made it worse.

So now, I have to waste even more uneeded time and energy trying to get rid of the past that keeps coming at me. Well, no matter what kind of response I get to this..its over. I'm done with all of it.

YOU are the one who IMed me 4 MONTHS AGO. YOU are the one who wanted to talk to me. YOU are the one who called me. YOU are the one who's been making all those stupid immature threats to me about going to my church and telling about whatever lies you know about my past. Or wanting to 'beat me up' if you ever seen me in public. YOU are the one who totally screwed up my journal. YOU won't leave ME alone. YOU are the one that has NO LIFE. You get your jollies by trying to insult me till you piss me off enough to get a response. well guess what, I'm not wasting my time with it anymore.

You're not worth any of it.
and as for your 'mom' calling me? Give me a break. I know its you pretending to be her. To mock my mom telling you off. The only reason my mom ever even picked up the phone is because she got tired of hearing about your crap.
Yeah, I'm 19, you're 17, your boyfreind is 21, not to mention a sexually confused pedifile. He's been like that long, LONG before I even came into the picture. So don't blame all of Jason's or your problems on me. Atleast I know what I am..not what people accuse me to be. I'm glad I got out of it. now you're stuck with it.

I'm trying to start my life, and all you're doing is throwing up ancient history.
You talk about stuff, mostly lies that either Jason or the people I told my so-called 'freinds', and threw them in my face. Yeah it pissed me off for a while. Hooray for you. Now, its just getting really old.
Just remember that I'M the one who wanted to end this crap to begin with. I never wanted it started. YOU did. YOU keep it going. You keep harassing me. because you think its 'funny' Well you have a sick sense of humor for your mom to be proud of.
You wasted your time trying to make me look bad with all this. Because its YOU who looks stupid.

Just go on with your life, and forget I ever exsisted.
I'm gonna have a great time doing the same.

~Later

Thu, 12 Aug 2004 07:53:36 GMT

Mmmm..yogart.

::sigh:: So many things have happened, in so many peoples lives lately, including mine..not enough time or energy to really ellaberate. Sorry. In one way, all things seem well. But in another, things are so confusing, twisting and turning into every direction..and clouded with worry.
I need to stop worrying so much. All it does is cause stress, and make those things that I worry about, only worse.

I need to just sit down, in a quiet place and sort everything out. Talk to the one person that can help me with all things..But of coarse, He knows my troubles before I even speak them.
These battles that hit me in the face, are uneeded. Wasted time and effort that doesn't need to be spent.

Whatever happens, happens..and is ment to be. As good, or bad as they might seem.

Again, sorry if this is confusing to anyone. Alot's just been on my mind lately..

~Later

Mon, 09 Aug 2004 06:58:50 GMT

Hey everybody. Sorry for the short lack of post. I had a busy weekend.

Here's my recap of Saturday.
Dustin came over about 10-ish, and we played video games and such till Becca called us around 11:30-ish, getting ready to pick up courtney, and then be on her way to pick us up. She had fun making many calls back and forth to us on getting confusing directions to my house. She and courtney made the wrong turn/got lost about 3 different times. lol it was funny. But they had a good time laughing about all of our senses of direction.
Then, when Becca finally picked us up, we all headed over to Liz's house(aka-the meeting point).
From there, all of us;Becca,Shawn,me,Dustin,Liz,Cory and Kirsten piled into 2 cars(Shawn and Becca were the drivers')and headed for China Buffet. Yeah, same place I used to go to with Jason all that time ago..and for a little bit I was nervious about going there..because of memories..and the slight fear of running into him, or any of his buddies. But, that didn't happen and we all had a really fun time eating lunch there.

After that we went to Tom Bradford park. Had fun hiking throughout the woods sittin and chillin on the 'big rock'. Stayed there for a while and then we went to Cory's house to hang out again for a few minutes to get 'refresments'(drinks) and we got to sit around and goof off, and I got to see Cory's little Chihuahua(can't remember her name at the moment). She's so CUTE! She looks like a mini-version of my dog, chance. Same markings and everything. hehee.

Anyway, then it was FINALLY time to head to homewood, for the Shma. Again Becca, Dustin and I piled into her car and we ended u going down the wrong road and having to turn around a couple times before we were headed in the right direction.
(Special note for Becca-MAPQUEST.COM IS YOUR FREIND!) hehe.
We got there and sat around outside talking/mingling with people. My buddy Travis and his lady Linden were there so it was cool to see other people there that I was fimiliar with.
I don't know half of the bands that played there..because part of the time we spent most of the concert outside, talking in the parking lot.
All I know is, the first band kinda sucked..whoever they were.

But I have a new favorite Shma band(my first favorite was Showbread) MORTHA! They rock man.
I mean yeah they scream and stuff, but they actually sing too. And their music talent is awesome. Its music you can keep a beat to. Dustin and I actually started dancing to one of the songs. If you know me, you know I DO NOT dance..I don't dance to music..I'm better at making it.
But yeah, it was great. We kept twirling eachother ballerina-style and goofy-dancing to the music..and then all the sudden Johnny Metal(Cool Shma-coordinator dude) taps me on the shoulder and goes 'can I cut in?' and then he starts doing the WALTZ with Dustin! I almost fell on the floor laughing. So hilarious.
Then, later on during the same performance, Dustin and I are standing together, his arms wrapped around me(aww), and suddenly the crowd parts faster than the Red Sea. Into a big mosh-circle. Dustin pulls me back and together were
running backwards in baby-steps before everyone started clobering eachother. So yeah, Dustin saved me from getting smashed. He's my hero. hehe. yes, very good performance.

But for the remainder of the show, most of us in our 'group' stayed outside, still talking in the parking lot. It was getting late, so I decided to check in with my parents. Then thing took a wrong turn. They were mad because I'd been out all day, and all night, because they needed me there to go to the store and stuff..they expected me home at a certain time, and it was way, WAY after that expected time that I finally DID get home. oops. So yeah, that kinda got me in a bad mood for a while. Bur we all all had a fun day. And I got to be with Dustin all day, so it was well worth it. hee.

Well, my recap for TODAY..
I was SUPPOSED to go to church this morning.I was SUPPOSED to go to church this evening. Did I get to? No. What did I do all day? I had to work for my father. Yep. I was offered money as a 'cover up', but it was really disguised as corpral punishment, for my late curfew last night. Although, anytime I have to deal with my dad in any situation, is most of the time considered 'punishment'. Although he seemed like he was in a good mood..which was weird..

Anyway I was outside for most of the HOT part of the day. I realized today that my dad can sometimes be the biggest idiot on the planet.
OK, get this. He got out the pressure water-hose. We started washing stuff. You know, the cars, the porch/sidewalk blah-blah..then he goes up on the roof to clean out the gutters. Normal cleanup for house-chores..right? He used to clean them every few months, with no trouble..UNTIL we got a METAL roof.
yeah, he took the high pressure hose, and cleaned the gutters and the SLICK, METAL roof..walking around, and seemed completely shocked when he almost fell OFF that roof, atleast 5 times because he kept slipping and loosing his footing. I was so scared that he was going to fall..I could just see it all happening in slow motion. I was even having a 911 explanation running through my head, just incase..
But thankfully he didn't fall.

ANYway, yeah..after a few more hours of cleaning and helping him out with random stuff(all day I basically stood around watching him, making sure he didn't get hurt, mostly..and, handing him stuff when he asked for it..I didn't really do anything 'constructive').But I earned 20 bucks being out there with him. So that was a bonus.
We finally got through with everything around 5-ish..I was sore, tired, and sun-burned.
and it was too late to try to go to the evening service at Hope..
SORRY PASTOR JASON..We'll see you soon I PROMISE.

Wow, this is the longest entry I've written in a long time..and I think its the longest one I've written in THIS journal period. With the acception of the survey ones..lol.

But, that was my weekend. I'll update again soon. Love to all.

~Later

Fri, 06 Aug 2004 07:36:49 GMT

For the first time ever today I got served breakfast in bed. Dustin arrived at my house around 9:30 this morning. He'd rode his bike from his house, to mine. Making a pit stop to Arbies to get us a couple of cinnimon buns for breakfast.

I was still asleep when he arrived. Because all I remember is having that feeling of being watched..I just ignored it and continued to sleep. Then I felt his hand gently massage my shoulders. I thought it was a vivid dream..I smiled and kept my eyes closed. He softly kissed my cheek and finally my eyes popped open. I turn over and see his smiling face. Again I got reminded that it wasn't a dream..that something this perfect really did exsist, in my life. Right then I felt like the luckiest person in the world. Like I always do, with him. He makes all these sacrifices..just to see plain old me..Everyday I wonder what I ever did to deserve it..but I love it.

I was greeted with the words;"Goodmorning, Beautiful." and presented with a box with the best cinnimon bun ever made(in my oppinion). The whole scene gets replayed over and over again in my mind..No ones ever done something like that for me. So simple, yet so sweet. I almost wanted to cry. All I could really do was smile..and again, thank God for all my beautiful blessings.

Yeah ok, mushyness golore. But yes it is how I feel. So any of you who feel the urge to vomit, do so now.

And for any girls out there who feel envyous? I now take this time to say..
He's MINE! ALL MINE! No one elses, EVER.
NYAH-NYAH!

hehehee.

Yep. Cinnimon buns and Dr Pepper, breakfast of Champions.

Wed, 04 Aug 2004 08:01:44 GMT

'The truest feelings of the heart don't have to be explained in words. Because the emotion is so perfect..there are no words that could describe how I feel. Other than looking into your eyes..seeing strait into your soul..and saying..I love you.'

..I love this feeling. I want it to last forever. I never knew it could truely exsist..but I think after all this time, despite my past, wounds and scars and all..it finally does. Again..I thank God every day for all my blessings. Specially this one..

Hmm..now on a lighter, less mushy note..TIIME FOR ANOTHER SUUURRRVEEEY!
What is your name? Rebecca Danielle..
Are you named after anyone?: After my mom, and my mom's best freind, who died right before I was born.
What's your screename?: RhythmMakr85
Would you name a child of yours after you?: Not really..I've had this question asked by me alot lately and I've decided I'm gonna wait untill I'm getting ready to actually HAVE a kid to decide what to name it/them
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: Actually, my mom told me that if I were a boy..my name would have been Zachary Benjamin..o.o;
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?:I can't really think of anyone..I like my name..I'd be willing to trade 1st names though..(I go by my middle name)
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name?: Yes. Daniel, Danyell,Danny, Dannee, Danell..the list goes on.
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?:I don't think so.

Basics
Your gender:: Female
Straight/Gay/Bi:: Strait
Single?: Nope..::happy smile::
If not, do you want to be?: I think I already am,and for the first time..its real.
Birthdate:: June 5th 1985
Your age:: 19
Age you act:: uh..rarely. lol
Age you wish you were:: Soertimes I wish I could be 11 years old again..ah..the golden days of 1997..when Mmmbop rained supreame..
Eye color:: dark greenish with specks of gold.
Happy with it?:: I never really gave my eye color much thought..But one person in my life seems to think they're 'the most beautiful eyes ever' And he can't stop staring at them..heh. so yeah, I guess I am happy with it..as long as I have him looking into them. :)
Hair color:: blonde
Happy with it?: I guess, its been this color all my life..I don't plan on changing it.
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: Lefty
Your living arrangement:: with my parents..till I get a good job and finally start my life.
Your family::My 'family' is the complete opposite of what a 'family' is supposed to be..
Have any pets?:Here we go again..3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 iguana and a goose. Confusing to you? well, sorry, but don't ask.
Whats your job?: I NEED ONE! SOMEONE HIRE ME!
Piercings?: None, anymore.
Tattoos?: none.. don't want any either
Obsessions?:haha..I have a few but in the top 5, Drums, 80's music,Hanson, Johnny Depp..oh, and that boy that I really like aLOT..he likes me too..YAY!
Addictions?: Dr Pepper.
Do you speak another language?: I speak a little spanish..and my brother-in-law is teaching me Arabic.
Have a favorite quote?: I have many. I don't have the heart to choose just one, so I won't.
Do you have a webpage?: Other than this journal? no.
Do you live in the moment?: Depends on whats going on in my life IN that moment.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: Most of the time, yeah
Do you have any secrets?: yeah. but none that I really wanna share on here.
Do you hate yourself?: Sometimes I hate myself, because of stupid stuff I've done or said in the past..but I gotta stop living in the past..
Do you like your handwriting?: No. its chicken-scratch.
Do you have any bad habits?: Yeah..I bite my nails, I constantly drum, tap, and beat on furnature or tables.., I snort when I laugh sometimes, oh, and everyone says I always type too loud.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: 'You have pretty hair.' ::shrug::
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: My life as a movie? HAHA thats funny..
What's your biggest fear?: Death, Spiders..and..being alone.
Can you sing?: I try..
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: no. I'm just me. and if you don't like it, just shutup and deal with it. haha
Are you a loner?: Depends on my mood I guess
What are your #1 priorities in life?: Get a job, learn to drive, get my GED, get married, have a few kids, try to live a normal life and be happy.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: yeah
Are you a daredevil?:Not really
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: sometimes..
Are you passive or agressive?: Passive most of the time..but if I'm angry, or in a certain mood, I can be pretty aggessive. I've been known to scare people..haha.
Do you have a journal?:..what do you think THIS is, genius?
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: weakness- I have low self esteem. I don't think very much of myself at all. My strength I guess would be..my dedication to music. and, I like making others happy, before I worry about myself.
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: Sometimes I wish I could walk, run, and be more athletic like everyone else. But because of what I was born with, I can't..I guess its the way God wanted me to be.
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: Sometimes yes..it depends on the situation.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: Yes..but as I always say; 'The things you do in your past, affect your future..so it makes you who you are today' Hey, that could count as my favorite quote too..cool.
Do you think life has been good so far?: I've had good times, but most bad. At times I've wondered how much more crap God is gonna throw at me before I break..But, I don't think that way anymore, because whatever happens is supposed to happen. all part of The Plan. As of right now though, life is pretty good.
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: Everything happens for a reason. Good or bad. Same answer as the one before this question.
What do you like the most about your body?: I don't LIKE any part of my body. I think I'm ugly. lol. But, sometimes I have good hair days..and I guess I like my eyes, and lips..
And least?: The fact that I'm blind as a bat and have to wear glasses most of the time..and that I always look pale as a ghost and tired.
Do you think you are good looking?: no, never have. I told you I think I'm oogley
Are you confident?: not really, at all. lol
What is the fictional character you are most like?: uhh..Winnie Foster from 'Tuck Everlasting' I guess..
Are you perceived wrongly?: I have been, in the past.
Do You...
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: never
Read the newspaper?: Depends on the articals
Pray?: i do
Go to church?: yeah, trying to get back into it more.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: I used to, till the weird sicko's started ruining the concept of 'normal conversation'
Sleep with stuffed animals?: Nope, used to though. A yellow teddy-bear that played a lullabye when you wound the key on its back. My grandfather gave it to me the day I was born.
Take walks in the rain?: Yeah, when its that perfect soft-falling sheet of rain-drops..no thunder or lighting..just the peaceful rain.
Talk to people even though you hate them?:try to, and if they're mad at me I TRY to straiten out the situation. sometimes that doesn't always work in my group.
Drive?: Need to learn..pathetic I know. But I have my permit!
Like to drive fast?: see above.

Would or Have You Ever?
Hurt yourself?: tried
Been out of the country?: no
Eaten something that made other people sick?: Chinese food. and Mushrooms! I love alot of the weird stuff that people usually hate. Its just me..hehe.
Done drugs?: NO
Gone skinny dipping?: Nope..never really had the desire to either..
Had a medical emergency?:Yeah..it involved turpentine, food-coloring, and water, mixed in a huge vodka bottle made into an 'ocean wave'..the bottle broke on my FACE. which might explain the problems I have with my vision right now. Happened over 10 years ago..
Had surgery?: On my legs, about 11 years ago. then I had gum surgery a couple months ago.
Ran away from home?: tried a few times. if you really knew my family you wouldn't blame me. lol.
Played strip poker?: nope
Gotten beaten up?: no
Beaten someone up?: yeah, when I was about 12..Adam knows the story. I punched the girl in the stomach, shoved her into the bathroom stall and she fell on the toilet and broke her nose. Because she talked bad about my brother, and family. so, she got punished.
Been picked on?: alot, when I was in school. because of my disability.
Been on stage?: Yes. love it.
Slept outdoors?: yeah, when I went camping with my mom about 10 years ago..been wanting to again. Sometimes I just wish I could sleep under the galaxy of stars..away from everything.
Thought about suicide?: a couple times
Pulled an all nighter?: when do I NOT?
If yes, what is your record?: I never keep one. because it gets broken alot.
Gone one day without food?: gone a few days, in the past.
Talked on the phone all night?: yeah, almost every night
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: not really. it'd be nice though..
Slept all day?: almost everyday..lol
Killed someone?:no..WANTED to kill a few people..lol
Made out with a stranger?: I was forced to once, hated it. regret it to this very day. Specially since it was my first kiss. ::shudders:: ugh. horrible
Had sex with a stranger?: no, never plan to either.
Thought you're going crazy?: yeah, at some points in my life..
Kissed the same sex?: no
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: NOO
Been betrayed?: many times..
Had a dream that came true?: I learned to play drums. I got to play onstage. Now my next dream is to be married to my soul-mate, then become a famous rockstar. hehe.
Broken the law?: not that I know of?
Met a famous person?: Yeah. Marty Stuart and George Jones. Yeah I know..OLD country..but I grew up with it. I still love it. I plan on meeting more people in the future, hopefully.
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no
On purpose?: just bugs
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?:Not that I can really remember at the moment..
Stolen anything?: no
Been on radio/tv?: haha no. want to be someday, maybe.
Been in a mosh-pit?: yes, a couple times. Always against my will. Becca knows what I'm talking about..the Shma can be dangerous..
Had a nervous breakdown?: Yeah..when I was younger..and I've come close to it in the past couple years..but I've managed to stay strong.
Bungee jumped?:Noo..never. I'd have a heart-attack. I'm afraid of hights, and falling. so. no.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah, alot when I was a kid..sometimes now.
Beliefs
Believe in life on other planets?: that one, I don't know..
Miracles?: yes
Astrology?:Not really..but I like to read it sometimes to see how close it can come to my current situations.
Magic?: no.
God?: yes
Satan?: yes
Santa?: not anymore.
Ghosts?: eh..I don't know that one either.
Luck?: sometimes
Love at first sight?: I do now..
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: depends on the situation.
Witches?: no..
Easter bunny?: What does a rabbit have to do with the ressurection of Jesus?? If ANYone can give me a sensible answer to that question, will get a cookie and election to be the new Pope..hahaha.
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?:always
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: We Irish folks aren't that rich..if we were..we wouldn't wait till it rains and shows pretty colors to show total strangers..
Do you wish on stars?: sometimes, if the time is right.

Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: If that veiw is in the bible, yeah.
Do you think God has a gender?: HE is the father, so I would assume HE's a GUY. But sometimes I wonder what it would be like if God were a woman..would the women of the world have so much crap to deal with if that were so? Like, the little annoying things..such as PMS, or the PAIN of child-birth? You gotta admit..Eve caused us ALOT of trouble that day in the garden..Sometimes it makes us ask 'WHY' or..come on, give us a BREAK! Guys have it so much easier..sometimes its really not fair..lol.
Do you believe in organized religion?: Depends on what you beleive in..I guess? I'm Christian. Its somewhat organized..?
Where do you think we go when we die?: To the true kingdom of God.
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: Yes
Who is your best friend?: Josh and Drew my 'brothers'. But I have other freinds I would consider 'best' they know who they are..but Josh and Drew..we're beyond freinds.
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: ooh..close race between Josh..and Dustin.
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: 'Never give up, no matter what anyone says to try to bring you down.'
Your favourite inside joke?: HAHAHA..One word, two sylibles..HOOWWW-DYY!
Thing you're picked on most about?: My snorting laugh.
Who's your longest known friend?: Travis. We've known eachother since we were like..7? Even though we're not as close as we were..and we've lost touch a few times over the years..we're still buddies. heh.
Last person you talked to online?: uh..Josh, I think
Who do you talk to most online?: Josh, Liz, Jessie, Jessica.
Who are you on the phone with most?: I'm on the phone alot with alot of people. but who would win that vote now? Dustin.
Who do you trust most?: I trust alot of people. But I'd only trust a very small handful of freinds with the most important stuff.
Who listens to your problems?: That same small handful..
Who do you fight most with?: Most everyone in my 'circle of freinds' aka, 'soap opera cast'
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: ugh..I refuse to answer that.
Who's your second family?: The Dorsett's
Do you always feel understood?: most of the time no, but..there are times when people actually take the time to understand and relate to whatI say. I like that.
Do you trust others easily?: yes, sometimes too easily.
Who's house were you last at?: Dustin's, Josh's, and mine.
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:: Dustin's..first time I've ever truely felt safe, is with him.
Do your friends know you?: Depends on which freind, and how long they've known me.
Friend that lives farthest away:: Kelly, in Ozark
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: Not if you feel like its true..and ment to be..
What do you find romantic?: holding hands, hugging, waking up next to that person, any type of kiss..being able to look into that person's eyes..and fall in love all over again. and when you're with this person..you feel like the luckiest person in the world.
Turn-on?: many, many things that I refuse to list on here..
Turn-off?: about the person I'm with? Nothing.
First kiss?: That I regret? Todd. That counted? Dustin..
If someone you had no interest in had interest in dating you how would you feel?: akward
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out: Sometimes
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: I think all people are beautiful in their own way.
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: Dustin seems to think so for some crazy reason. I don't know why. Whenever I get a compliment about my looks from someone..I don't know how to take it. I'm always emberressed and stuff..like I said, my confidence in myself is almost zilch. haha.
What is best about the opposite sex?: There can be many answers to this question.
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: There can be MANY different answers to THIS question..
What's the last present someone gave you?: Dustin gave me a Crusifix. hee.
Are you in love?: I think so, maybe.
Do you consider your significant other hot?: ..RAWR..hehehe
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: Honestly? My brother..
You wanted to kill?: I refuse to reveal that person's name..
That you laughed at?: Dustn, oh, and Josh..actually both of them at the same time. had-to-be-there moment
That laughed at you?: Dustin
That turned you on?: ::innocent smile::..no comment.
You went shopping with?: Dustin and Kirsten at Wal-Mart
That broke your heart? My heart has been broken twice in my life, and I won't name who did it. those who know me, know who I'm talking about. but since then, my heart is beginning to mend.
To disappoint you?:My mom...
To ask you out?: Adam. but, things didn't really work out and were still buddies now. hee.
But, with Dustin..neither of us 'asked eachother out' technically..we just got closer and closer and..it just happened.
To make you cry?: I cried to myself..because I missed my grandfather, tonight. But, other than that..Lately, I've been crying tears of happiness.
To brighten up your day?: Dustin
That you thought about?: Dustin
You saw a movie with?: Adam(The Stepford Wives, good movie)
You talked to on the phone?: Dustin
You talked to through IM/ICQ?:Josh
You saw?: my mom
You lost?: I don't think I've ever 'lost' anyone..but it depends on your definition of the word..

Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: Nope. not this late at night
Will it be with your significant other?: It'd be nice but, it's too late..dangit.
Or some random person?: no one
What are you wearing right now?: blue football shorts my Taz 'Get a Grip' nightshirt.
Body part you're touching right now:: uh..my leg? and my feet are crossed under the chair so, they're touching eachother..ooh. heh.
What are you worried about right now?: I usually worry alot, about alot of things..but right now I'm content.
What book are you reading?: Tuck Everlasting
What's on your mousepad?: uh..Tommy and Angelica from the Rugrats. Hey, don't laugh. Rugrats rock..my favorite show back in the day..
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling:: Bored, tired, content, euphoric, loved
Are you bored?: Why else would I waste my 'valuable time' answering your stupid questions..and adding the risk to make my carple-tunnel even WORSE..
Are you tired?: Yeah..but it'll be a while before I actually want to sleep.
Are you talking to anyone online?: not at the moment, my away message is up.
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: nope
Are you lonely or content?: content
Are you listening to music?: No, I'm in the living room, so the tv is going.

Yeah, sorry if that wasted anyones time..but if any of you actually took the time to READ all that about me..then, thanks. Because you care and I feel LUVED. hehe.

~Later

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 05:16:48 GMT

Man, today was fun. Tonight was great.

Went to church with Kirsten and Dustin, had fun cleaning up stuff and going to the morning service. Good message. Went shopping at Office Depot, and Wal-Mart..didn't actually end up buying anything..just walked around the stores with Dustin while Kirstin shopped for collage stuff. Had fun running around the store with 2 way walkie talkies. Must get a pair of those in the near future.

Then tonight we went to Hope for the LADS concertt. They ROCKED! The show was alot better than I ever expected. They're this cool group of guys from New Zealand(we'll get to that joke later)..they've got the accents and everything. hee. But musically they're amazing. They're kinda a cross between Faith Remain(what they USED to be) and yes, a little bit of Hanson. Because I'm a sucker for talented guys that can play their instruments, AND sing 3 part harmony.

But yeah. The lead singer, great guy and all..but my first though was oh my God..its The Crocadile Hunter! I'm serious, he looks like him, he talks like him..he even dances around with a mike like he's dodging a snake or something. All though the show I expected him to dive on the ground and say 'CRIKEY MATES! Have a look at this 'ittle beauty!' Hahaha..and man, he was so cool when I went up to him and said 'Has anyone ever told you, you look like Steve Irwin??' 'Nope, but I'll take it as a compliment. I've always wanted to meet 'im'
haha, he's a cool guy.
Oh and the drummer kicks butt too. He's left handed, like ME! So we bonded on that thing we has in common. and we've also been playing for the same amount of years. So I told him that next time he came back, we could have a drum battle. hahaa.
I also had fun messing with all the members, going up to them and talking about their accents, doing impressions of them, and in turn they would try to talk southern to me. It was hilarious.
I was tempted to ask them 'So, how is it out there in Hobbit Land?' Specially since the keyboardist had a striking resemblence to Dom..::cackles evily with Amanda:: (sorry, private joke) But, I already made the Steve Irwin crack, so I didn't want to TOTALLY insult them..hahaha.

By the end of the night I got their most recent CD and all their autographs. So yeah, good night. As always, it made me miss being able to play onstage..

I had fun. Specially with..someone by my side. ;)

Oh, one more thing. I have a HUGE prayer request. Please pray for Pastor Jason and his wife Chilla. There's been some recent labor complications with baby Emily..Please pray for them, that all pulls through and goes well..and that Emily can come into the world safe and sound.
She's not even here yet and she's so loved..I guess she knows it or else she wouldn't try so hard to arrive early. hehe. Be patient little one, we're all here..and God will bless us all with your presence, and life when the time is right.

Love to all.

~Later

Sat, 31 Jul 2004 07:48:43 GMT

Hey everybody.

Today was a good day. Dustin came over and we hung out together most of the day. Had fun. Played video games, and domino's..a 3 hour game of Scrabble with my mom. haha it was great. He makes me so happy. Just being with him seems to let the whole world make sense. I thank God every day for bringing him into my life.

Yesterday was a little bitter-sweet. The last youth service for Elevate. Very emotional, and spiritual in alot of ways. Its time for a new start, a clean slate for everything. and I feel like this is the perfect opportunity. Some changes are about to be made in my life..some of them are going to be hard to face, things are going to be left behind, and in the past..but most will be changed for the better.
Its all good though..

On another random, happy note. Yep, my Hanson DVD came in the mail yesterday. HEE! It's AMAZING! Greatest performance I've seen by the guys in a LONG time. Specially since its ALL accustic. It rocks. yes. Even Dustin admitted that it was good. So that PROVES it. HAH.
I have a whole crop of new stuff to learn with my accustic stuff. FUN.
All three of the guys still play, sound, and look amazing. They're still the same old Hanson we all fell in love with 8 years ago..just, older, taller..and muscular enough to be accused of steroid dosage..thats not a bad thing though..hehe..SORRY DUSTIN!...I can still LOOK..can't I?? hahaha.
they just keep growing in their talent, and I will always admire them, and look to them for musical inspiration. I don't care what anyone has to say against them. I'm a Hanson fan and PROUD, daggumit! haha.

Uh..anyway, enough about that..All in all, I'm pretty happy right now..just content with all things. Still have some kinks to work out with life ordeals..but it will all come in good time. When its ment to be.

~Later

Thu, 29 Jul 2004 06:52:03 GMT

FIRSTS:
First job: cook and clean-up work at Burgar King..
First screen name: uhh..::thinks WAY back::..Hanson6585 ::glares at anyone daring to laugh::
First funeral: My Grandfather. August 5th, 1995.
First pet: Lucifer
First piercing/tattoo: noo tatoos..and I had my ears peirced when I was..6?
First credit card: umm? i'm 16 the closest i have been is a walmart gift card
First kiss: The evil demon spawn formally known as a boy named Todd.
First one that mattered:..Dustin.
First love: My first REAL love? I beleive I'm in that right now..
First enemy: uhh..Angela Darwin. We were freinds back in 1st grade..till she started calling me names and spreading stupid rumors around the school about me. ::growl::..
First big trip: To Wind Creek/Lake Martin with my mom and Chance(my dog) on my first camping trip when I was 8.
First concert: Backstreet Boys..when I was about 13, with my ooold freind Jennifer.
First musician you remember hearing in your house: Garth Brooks
LASTS:
Last car ride: today with my mom, my grandmother and Dustin to go shopping at Wal-mart. fun!
Last kiss: Dustin..hee.
Last library book checked out: I don't check out books anymore. but my mom baught me a book today. Tuck Everlasting.
Last movie watched: Tuck Everlasting. the reason for my new book. lol
Last beverage drank: Dr.Pepper; the drink that makes ya BELCH!
Last food consumed:Creamy chicken noodly-soup
Last phone call: My sister Michelle.
Last CD played: Hanson-Underneath
Last annoyance: My mom ordering me to do the dishes..e.e;
Last soda drank: Dr. Pepper (soda, beverage..its all the same for me.)
Last ice cream eaten: ^_^ Super Fudge Brownie Chunk
Last shirt worn: A large grey T-shirt with a cool lookin bull-dog on it.
Last website visited: www.faithremain.com
NOW:
Single or taken: taken
Sex: female
Birthday: June 5th, 1985
Sign: Gemini
Siblings: 2 sisters, 1 brother(R.I.P)
Hair color: Caramel blonde
Eye color: greenish blue..?
Shoe size: 8
Height: 5'6
RIGHT NOW WHAT ARE U:
Wearing: The Bull-Dog night-shirt. its a favorite of mine at the moment. hee
Thinking about: when I'm gonna finally get another job..oh, and a special Someone.
Listening to: 'She Will Be Loved' By Maroon 5.
Watching: the screen...?
Feeling: How much I miss my Someone..

Now that thats over..I'm gonna go read up on the chapter Brandi assigned us for bible study. wee.

oh yeah,
I get the new HANSON DVD TOMORROW! Hanson; Underneath Accustic LIVE! WOOOO! CAN'T WAIT! I've been looking forward to getting it for months. I payed 3 weeks worth allowence to get it, RUSH delivary. So, if I don't get it by tomorrow, UPS and Amazon.com will hear from me cause I will NOT be a very happy person..Yes people..to me, Hanson is WORTH this much money and persistance. Laugh, if you must. in the great word of CJ, I DON'T CARE! haha.

My review of the DVD will hopefully be posted tomorrow night..so I appologize in advance for the teeny-bopperness you will probably experience from me in 24 hours..MWAHA!

Wed, 28 Jul 2004 02:38:06 GMT

This is some random facts about me that you probably already knew, or need to know..or maybe didn't even wanna know. your choice. hee.

-I'm a musician.
-I play drums.
-I'm 19 years old.
-I'm 5'6"
-I'm a NATURAL blonde.
-I'm left handed.
-I have green eyes.
-I have a boyfreind.
-His name is Dustin.

-I am a Christian
-I beleive in God
-I want to be Baptized
-I want to read the whole bible, and understand it.
-I have sinned.
-I used to curse alot..trying to fix that problem
-I am not perfect
-My past is something that haunts me.
-I tend to have a short temper sometimes.
-Alot of times I am 'over-protective'
-I can be bossy sometimes..

-I hate make-up
-I hate dresses/skirts
-I hate being made fun of, because of my disability.
-I hate it when people try to pass judgment on me, or others when they have no right or authourity to do so.
-I hate that my parents fight.
-I hate that my brother is gone.
-I hate that I'm not closer to my sisters.
-I hate the constant push and pressure to be an adult, when I still feel like a kid.

-I need a job
-I need to learn to drive
-I need to get more confidence in myself.

-I think too much
-I stress out too much, too easily.
-I snort when I laugh too hard.
-I spend too much time being depressed.

-Good things are happening in my life right now.
-For now, I feel happy.
-I'm thankful for all my blessings.
-I beleive in faith, hope and love.
-I love my family, despite all differences.
-I love my freinds, even though sometimes we fight like cats and dogs.

-Even though sometimes I gripe and complain alot about the things going on in my life..I'm happy being me.
-I just try to be normal,in this crazy life I live.
-If you like me, great!
-If you don't, oh well.

Now, enough about me. I know this was probably a waste of your valuable time, reading all these facts..but these are things that have been on my mind, and needed to get them out. and maybe, you can do it yourself..list some random facts and thoughts about yourself. Clear out your mind and let all the people in your life know a glimpse of the real you.

Love to all.

~Later

Mon, 26 Jul 2004 08:44:26 GMT

Hey everybody. sorry for the short lack of updates.

But this entry's gonna be good.

Just to clarify, for once all things with my freinds are somewhat calm. Nope I'm not mad at anyone in my 'circle'. The only thing I've had trouble with lately is stress in the home-frount. Like I've said in other recent entries, my mom and I have been at eachother's throats, and have had heated arguments lately..I think things are about to cool down though..just needed to give some time.

Other than that, I've tried to remain calm and content, with everything else going on in my life.

This morning I was invited to go to church and attend a joint-service, with HCC and..someotherchurchIcantrememberatthemoment.

And it was really amazing. I can't beleive I almost missed it.

When Dustin called me this morning to ask if I wanted to go. Part of me said 'yeah, of coarse I'll go.' but there was this other part of me that was fighting against me wanting to be there. I had this nagging feeling, and annoying voice in my head going 'neeh, I don't really want to go. Its to early, I don't know these people, and how do I know they really want me there?'

That was the evil side fighting against the good. The Devil was tempting me. trying to conveince me to go the opposite direction. Because I'd been hurt by the recent changes in all the things in my life.

I faught against that bad feeling, and decided to attend the service. I'm so glad I did. There was so much emotion in every bit of the service. The worship, the atmosphere, the people..not to mention that Pastor Jason did an increadible job preaching. Really opened my eyes and hit on all the things I'd been going through lately. A couple times I even felt choked up, on the brims of tears right along with him.

It was one of the main times that I wish more than anything that my mom and dad coulda been there to hear what was said. Make them see how they were living, and maybe attempt to turn them in the right direction. The idea of that possibly never happen..made me want to cry even more.

The Kingdom of God is where we truely belong. With our family, freinds, loved ones
Where we can all unite, and become one.
One with God.
Thats what church is really supposed to be.
Its not just something you 'need' or 'have' to attend.
Its a privilage to be in God's presence.

The best part is, you can be ANYwhere in the world, and God still see's you so clearly.

There are times where we all make mistakes. We say, do, or think things that most of the time, isn't too right with God. But does that mean we're bad people? Does that mean He hates us? NO. God can never hate His children. He always gives us that chance to change things, and stay on the path.

God is a forgiver, and a healer. And though he knows that one day we will be like Him, while we are on this earth..we are only human. He knows we aren't perfect. yet.

No matter what may lie in our past, or arise in our future. As long as we accept Him in our hearts, the little temptations and tribulations of life will not matter. All of these things that happen to us, are ment to be. Good or bad, right or wrong. It's all supposed to happen. All apart of our plan, and these things that happen are part of the tests, and stepping stones on the path He has made for us. The path, that makes us who we truely are.

..Wow..ya know, I feel like this another time where God has taken control of my fingers on this keyboard and made me write that message. Its been a long time since that's happened.
I'd just planned on making this entry on the amazing time I had at church. and I did..then all the sudden I randomly go into the revelation above.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Cool. =)

Oh, one more thing I forgot to mention. I went to Csilla's baby-shower today. Had lotsa fun with baby stuff. Can't wait till little Emily comes into the world!

I'm happy. So many good things. yay.

Fri, 23 Jul 2004 08:18:44 GMT

Have you ever had a time in your life where you have so many emotions inside you, you don't know what to do with them?

Thats the way I feel..99% of the time now.

I mean, one minute I feel like I'm going to explode with anger toward people and family because of words being said and accusations being made against one another, against things that are out of control.

Sometimes I want to curl up in a ball and cry because of all the pressure against me, from my parents. Because I need to grow up and officially start my life.

Then there are times like now where everything around me is changing. Like tonight, I was completely shocked by the announcement made by Mike, saying that there were to be no more Thursday night Services, that after 3 years..Elevate was no more. No more youth services.

All I could do was stare out in space with my jaw dropped open. I couldn't beleive it. Part of me selfishly thought it wasn't fair. I'd just started going to this church and the main reason I was going, the youth, had just fallen apart out of nowhere.
But then I felt like maybe this was supposed to happen. Like this was Mikes way of..saying that he trusted us. By letting us go and live our lives on our own, for God.
He said that he loved us, and that he was proud of us..and most of all that he had faith in us.
So..that made me feel a little bit better.

But, that doesn't mean I'm gonna stop going to HCC. I still have Sunday services to go to, and Monday night small-groups..So, I still get to be with my church family. so its all good.

Another thing that kinda reminds me of all these altering changes..I still feel bad about all the changes that Faith Remain are going through..they, along with other things in my life..I know are never going to be the same. But I'm glad they were, and still are a part of my life. as they are ment to be.

::sigh::..And then..there is one thing in my life that I am certain makes me happier than beyond my greatest dreams. I don't feel I have to explain the reason behind it. Just to know that its real..and that its in my heart. And that no matter what, I'll never loose it. No matter what it takes..nothing or no one is going to make me feel any different or less.

Love....happiness....I really like that feeling.

~Later

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